Reaching milestones

I haven't had time to write down my memories of you lately as I am so busy enjoying you and then exhausted by the time you are asleep. But many wonderful things have happened that I do wish to remember.

You took your first steps on the 5th November in Byron Bay in front of your Daddy and I as well as your midwife Deb and my good friend Alison. It was a wonderful moment and you were so pleased with yourself as you took those first steps from Daddy's arms towards me at your own pace.

Though your Poppy was a bit disapointed he missed your first steps, you have made up for it by running into his arms at every opportunity. The sound you make when we pull up to Poppy's house or when he arrives at our house is so precious. A high pitched "ohh Poppy here" all rolled into one word. And when he leaves you get very upset each time. 

You are very affectionate now and love giving hugs and kisses. You even hug and kiss my old dolls which are now yours. And you love hugging the puppies though the feeling isn't mutual. 

Daddy has given you his train set to play with and you are loving running all over the house playing with the trains. You especially enjoy pushing them through any make shift tunnel. 

Your vocabulary is exploding and at thirteen months your word list includes: yes, no, mulk (milk), more, dog, duck, acee (gracie), aylee(Bailey), ball, boat, nana(banana), star, hantaa (santa), ho ho Ho, tractor, moon, daddy, mama, poppy, car, broom broom, uh oh, mango, birdie, buck buck buck (chicken). 

You are getting very good at signing and can now sign, milk, more, eat, bird, sleep. 

Everyday you amaze me and remind me how blessed I am to have you. 

First birthday

I can't believe you have been here for a year already. You have changed my life in ways I never expected when having a baby and I am so grateful to you for that.

We spent your birthday together as a family doing things that you love to do. It felt like Christmas Eve before your birthday and I struggled to fall asleep as I was so excited to see your face when you woke up. I woke at 5am with you snuggled in my arms, resting peacefully. 

I was able to use this time to reflect on your birth and how amazing and empowering it was for me as a woman and a mother. Having a homebirth was the greatest thing I could have done for you and I. 

When you finally began to stir only a few mins before your time of birth, I quickly woke your Daddy so he could watch your reaction as you woke up to see the room filled with balloons. 

Your eyes lit up with such surprise and amazement. And you instantly wanted to play. But this was only the beginning as we came downstairs to find balloons all over the house and streamers lining the hallway. And of course a big red bow around the hand basin in the bathroom where you were born. 

You weren't too fussed about opening your presents but once they were open you loved playing with your new motorbike and musical activity centre that was lovingly sent by Mama's friend Ebony.

After some playtime we set off to have a special birthday breakfast and then it was on to the airport so we could spot some planes. You love watching the planes fly through the air and even in the house you will hear them and point to the sky. So to see them so close was very exciting for you.

We then took you out for a special birthday lunch where you had birthday wishes written in sauce by the chef. 

By this stage you were very tired so we came home so that you could rest and Mama could finish making your cake (the 4th one as the first three each had their own disaster). 

But you were far too excited to sleep until very late in the afternoon when you crashed. Of course this was a mere half an hour before your Poppy arrived with a very special birthday present we had all worked hard to put together over the past few weeks. 

You unwillingly woke up and felt very cranky as you were so tired, but when you opened the gift and realised it was a swing you were happy to play again. That cheeky grin once again lighting up your face. 

It warmed my heart to see how much your Poppy loved pushing you on the swing and seeing how happy it made you. The two of you have a very special connection, he seems to have limitless patience for you but no one else gets this privilege.

Finally we had a lovely roast dinner (your favourite). Then of course finished the day with a big piece of cake. You had a wonderful day and so did I. 

Little words

Your very first word you said quite awhile ago, I think you were about four to five months when you cried out in your sleep with a very clear "Mama". Both your Daddy and I were so surprised it was the sweetest sound. By ten months you had seven words. "Mama" "Dada" "yeh" "no" "moh" (more) "malk" (milk) "dog". 

It's wonderful to watch you as you listen carefully to words and try to say them yourself. Now at eleven months you can communicate very well with Mama and Daddy using a mix of words and sign language. 

Baababaa means breakfast or food as you say it whenever you are hungry. You try to say cat but can't quite get the "c" sound. 

But what is most fascinating is not how much you can say but how much you understand. If we ask you "where are the balloons?" You point to the mobile hanging over the window. 

If we ask you if you would like to go to the shower you will say yes or no. On Fridays even if you are asleep and hear the rubbish truck go past you instantly wake and point to the window to go see.

When we ask if you want to visit Poppy or your friend Melody your eyes light up and you often jump up and down with excitement. 

But perhaps the one I'm most proud of is when you tell me you need to use the potty by making a "ssss" sound or taping on the potty. I'm so glad we have done elimination communication with you, as I feel it has allowed us to have a stronger bond and you are so much more interested in communicating with us as you know we are listening and paying attention. 

You amaze us everyday my little one.

Saying "I love you" without words

There are some things that I am better at than your Daddy, but one of those things is not transferring you sleeping into the car. That crown is for who I lovingly call "The Transfer King".

However you were asleep in my arms, so I decided to give it a shot. But of course you woke up, and you had only now slept for a few minutes so I was sure you would become very upset in the car.

Although you were clearly very tired, you didn't cry. Instead you held your hand out to me, and I reached out expecting you to playfully tap my hand or pull away.

Yet, again you surprised me by holding on tightly to my hand for the entire car ride. The warmth of your soft little hand holding on to mine made my heart melt. A moment in time I never wish to forget. 

The time I unsuccessfully transferred you, but you showed me you loved me despite my failings. 

Blossoming friendship

Over the past few months you have been developing a lovely friendship with a little girl named Melody. In a world where everyone makes very different parenting choices it is amazing to find other families that make all the same choices as you. Yet you and Melody have many things in common thanks to your parents.

This means you both have similar favourites when it comes to food, you both use the potty and often sit together on the potty which is very sweet. You both enjoy playing with "non toys" and being outside getting grubby in nature.

Melody gets very excited when her parents tell her you are coming to visit, and you get very excited and will happily get dressed or go in your car seat if you know we are going to see Melly. 

So it's unsurprising that the other night when we were babysitting Melly you were very excited. Sharing bath time together, splashing each other and swapping ducks and blocks. Melody even helped wash you.

Once we got into bed together, you on one side of me feeding, Melody on the other side snuggling her "wawa's" (koala bears). For a moment I dared to think how easy this was to put you both to sleep....until you sat up and started chatting away hilariously to Melly. It was then I realized that even if you are only ten months old, it is still super exciting to have a friend sleep over and you will want to chat and play well into the night.

Eventually you both did get to sleep. I hope that your friendship with Melly continues to blossom. But she will always be your first true friend. 

Daily rhythms

It's here! Spring has sprung. Though we still wake to chilly mornings, by mid morning we are stripping off jumpers and socks as the sun has taken the chill off the earth. 

Our days have a rhythm to them now. We wake to the sound of birds singing and after some milk and playtime on the bed our rumbling tummies insist we leave our comfy haven.

Before breakfast we visit the chickens to say good morning and have a quick look at the garden, the grass still wet with dew so Mama won't let you down to roam just yet. The fairy wrens that have taken up residence in our garden sing and play, flying across the adjoining backyards. 

Then, we enjoy breakfast most days on the patio so that we can feel the warmth of the sun and you love watching the birds flying above and trying to spot planes.

From there our days are mostly spent in the garden playing. Throwing toys for the puppies to chase. Finding a patch of dirt to sift between your fingers and taste. Pulling the leaves off the snow peas and carrots, or anything you can reach. 

Eventually you tire and Mama will feed you to sleep, still sitting outside as you snuggle on my lap. I love these special days, and the promise of many more beautiful days like this one fill my heart with excitement and hope. 

Full bloom

Your here! Of course you have been here for the past nine months but suddenly you seem so much more present in this earthly realm. It's difficult to explain.

It's like you have been slowly unfolding your petals gradually showing more and more of yourself, then suddenly you are in full bloom. 

You crave interaction. You instigate games like peekaboo. In a crowd you will call out and roar until you get the person of your interests attention.

Everything is fun and a wonderful adventure. You have mastered the stairs both up and down. You confidently climb off the bed. You crawl off outside to see the birds playing in the trees and explore the garden eating dirt and rocks. 

You recognise people you love like your Mama and Daddy. When your Poppy arrives at the door you will stop anything you are doing to go answer the door jumping up and down grinning from ear to ear. The mere mention of your best friend Melody's name makes you happy and seeing you two together is the sweetest sight. 

Everyday is filled with endless possibilities. Seeing the world through your eyes is amazing.

When it rains it pours

It's been a very challenging week. Most likely the hardest week we have ever had. But as difficult as this week was for me, I know it was even harder for you.

Every time you had to get dressed or undressed your world fell apart. Laying down to have a fresh nappy put on was torture. Sleeping was a distant memory. Even eating was not satisfying for a little boy who normally eats more than Daddy. 

Perhaps it was your teeth? Perhaps it was a developmental leap as you transition through a wonder week. Perhaps you were just overstimulated from too many activities lately. 

All I know is I am so very grateful for many things. I am grateful this was your Daddy's week off so I had someone to share the load. I'm grateful to have the means to provide you food and clothing for you to reject. I'm grateful for Gracie for being tolerant enough to allow you to pat her which helped calm you at your most stressful moments.

I'm grateful to have maternity leave so I can be at home to be there for you during your toughest weeks. 

This morning I woke up very early to the sound of pouring rain. The droplets splashing on the roof and the road outside washing the streets and nourishing the gardens. It was the most peaceful moment I have felt in a long time. 

I looked down as you snuggled in the crook of my arm, and you too were at peace. Looking like a gum nut baby, content. I am grateful for the rain. 

The wake up journey

The sun is starting to peek through the cracks between the blinds. Another beautiful winters day has begun.

The birds are happily singing outside our window and their shadows can be seen on our blinds as they dance along the balcony.

Little specs of dust are floating in the air as I look at the ray of Sunshine filling our room. I can't wait to show you this when you are older to tell you the fairies have been busy sprinkling fairy dust in our room while we slept. 

Though I am awake you are still enjoying a morning sleep in. I watch as your chest gently rises and falls with each soft breathe.

Till suddenly you begin to stir, your body stretching, twisting, your eyes still firmly shut. You reach out and begin nuzzling searching for the breast. 

You latch on, and begin drinking like you have been out in the desert for days. Though you have been cluster feeding since the early hours of the morning.

These hurried sucks soon turn to long drawn out gulps as the milk begins to flow freely. After a few minutes the sucking turns to comfort sucks, then stop, as you drift off into another dreamland.

A few minutes later you again stir, eyes still yet to open, as you search madly again for some more milk, maybe one more drink will be enough to help you face the morning. Your 'coffee' pick me up. 

But again you fall back into peaceful slumber. This cycle continues a few more times until finally you stretch your arms up high above your head, rubbing your eyes as if they need the extra encouragement.

Finally they open and our eyes meet, and your face instantly beams as a smile creeps across your face. You let out a trill, your new funny sound. And that's it you are a ball of energy sitting up ready to start the day.

Well, after you've had some more milk of course! 

My little ray of Sunshine

The little whisks of hair at the nape of your neck are long enough now that they often roll into a string of curls. 

Your eyelashes so fair but so long fluttering away as your eyes dance around taking in everyone and everything.

Your legs are getting stronger and more balanced as you confidently pull yourself up to stand, walking along furniture, climbing stairs and people alike. 

Unsurprisingly your feet are growing at a rapid rate, the only part of onesies that don't fit you are the foot holes. But I guess it was inevitable you would inherit your Daddy's feet.

You really enjoy the rhythm of the day, dancing to your own beat as you explore looking for new adventures. 

I love watching you grow and change, seeing you glow with pride when you accomplish a goal. 

Nine months of happiness you have given me. There's not a day passed since you were born that I haven't been able to find joy in my life. 

Things you have put in your mouth that don't belong there

Dog toys (must have dog slobber on it)

Dirt (pretty standard for most babies)

Toilet brush (this one made me brush your teeth after)

Dog food (surely it has some good protein? Thank goodness it was grain free)

Dog water (this was more of a bath)

Poop (yep, it was your poo if that makes it any better. Wish I'd taken a photo for your 21st but I was too busy stripping you off and running you up to the shower trying not to leave a poo trail)

Motherhood...it's never boring! 

The master explorer

Your world has suddenly become so much bigger and much more intriguing. Gone are the days of you happily playing in one area content with exploring the toys around you. 

Infact toys are the least exciting thing in your world. Who would want to play with toys when you could climb the stairs instead, or play in the dog bowls, splashing the water and taste testing the food. Every button must be pushed, all electrical cords must be chewed, and the robo vacuum is clearly a ride on version. 

I love watching you 're-sort' the washing I just folded. Your face is so focused and every action has such intent. Though I wish I could just throw it in the drawers without re-folding it all.

You are getting such confidence in your body, you trust that your legs are strong enough to hold your weight as you walk along the furniture. Everything is an opportunity to test your strength and balance as you climb up onto the coffee table then up onto the chair as you discover the window you can now see out of. 

Life is amazing and exciting when seen through your eyes. I love watching you triumphantly smile at your latest achievement. I wonder what you will conquer next. 

Love at first sight

Before I knew I was pregnant with you somebody else knew. Gracie was the first to realize you were there. All through my  pregnancy she would rest her head on my tummy listening to the rhythm of your heart. 

There was many times she even felt you kicking and wiggling around. So it was no surprise that from the moment you were born it was love at first sight. Even Bailey fell in love with your sweet little personality, ever ready to protect you from any harm.

Now that you are not only crawling but have an insatiable need to explore, Gracie and Bailey have been the target of your excitement.

They learnt quickly to jump up and move away when you get close, but that doesn't deter you as you stop, spin around and chase them around and around. 

You desperately want to pat them, feeling their hair between your fingers, the rough pads on their feet and the soft hair on their ears. 

Finally I found a way to allow you to play with them without them losing any clumps of hair to your sneaky little hands. We all sit out the front in the warm winter sun. Mama blows bubbles into the breeze and the puppies jump and chase them as they float around. 

This leaves you in a fit of giggles, and my heart swells with love watching my little boy play with his puppies. 

Bedtime rituals

When I was a little girl your Poppy would tuck me into bed every night and say the same goodnight poem to me. It was our little ritual, I couldn't sleep until he said it. I still think of his loving words with fond memories.

Now that we have you, we have developed our own bedtime ritual. A nice warm shower with mama to calm down and wash away the day. Then Daddy wraps you in a big fluffy towel.

We rub your feet with lavender infused coconut oil and a splash of tea tree oil to keep the bugs away. Then you lay there still, watching and waiting. And as we ask if you are ready for your drops your arms start flapping up and down with excitement. 

Your eyes light up and your hands pause as you gently open your mouth grasping the dropper. A few homeopathic remedies to help you sleep and keep you healthy. 

Then you and Daddy play, read stories, dance and sing. While mama finishes getting ready for bed. Your Daddy says "isn't that the best sound in the whole world"... As you giggle and laugh happily. 

It seems you must be too excited to go to sleep now. But as we snuggle down under the blanket together, your eyes soon begin to close as the magic of milkies take you off to the land of nod. 

I know as you grow our ritual will evolve, but I hope you too will look back one day with fond memories of bedtime. 

Sweet dreams

The sweet smell of milk on your breath, your growing strands of hair tickling my face, the soft sounds of your breath mixed with the rise and fall of your chest. Everything about you is intoxicating. 

I am overwhelmed with warmth, as love fills every cell in my body, overflowing and wrapping itself around us like a warm blanket on a cold winters night.

I smile as you start to giggle in your sleep, dreaming perhaps of your Daddy chasing you around the house playing monsters, or Mama jumping out behind Daddy to surprise you. 

Later you start to squirm and let out a whimper and then a cry. I pull you closer and tell you "It's alright Mama is here" and your little body relaxes again and your rhythmic breathing again takes over.

I love that all I need to do to make you feel safe, secure and loved is to simply be here for you. 

Things I didn't know about breastfeeding

I will admit I thought I had a good knowledge base about breastfeeding before I had you. But as always you have taught me that some things are only learnt through experience.

One of the things I most looked forward to when planning a baby was being able to nurse you, and if I'm honest I thought I was going to be awesome at it.

For years I have been telling women that the first six weeks are challenging and then it gets easier. Well turns out I'm a liar! It's more like the first three MONTHS are hard, exhausting, and at times painful. Frankly feeding a newborn sucks.

But as if you knew that these feeds were difficult for me, you would always hold my hand. No matter how uncomfortable or tired I was this little hand holding firmly onto mine was enough for me to get through those early days. 

Then we hit a lovely cruisy stage where it was fairly easy to feed you, enjoyable, the way I pictured nursing a baby. 

So apart from the constant soaking at night where many times I thought it might have started raining in our house only to realize I had a milk fountain showering us (not quite champagne showers but more nutritious!). 

Or I'd have to sniff the massive wet patch on the bed to see is that milk or has your nappy leaked? (Thankfully it was almost always milk). This was so far the easiest stage of our journey.

I knew that I would feed you on demand, and I expected you to feed to sleep as is biologically normal. But I didn't realize you would want to feed to sleep, then feed to wake, and really why not also let me sleep on here in between incase I need a snack while I'm asleep. But secretly mama loves this time as it's a little rest for me too while you sleep.

 

Then it seems you didn't just want milk and comfort anymore, but this also became a tactile experience. You bang your hand against my chest, squeeze squish and pinch the breast in an effort to speed up that let down or to make sure you managed to get every last drop of milk hiding in there. 

Sometimes you can't be bothered waiting for a let down so you will suck for two seconds, detach and check out surroundings, relatch for two seconds..nope not yet repeat till let down then drink. Unless someone talks or a bird squaks or a breeze blows then stop and sit up look around again. But if you dare put that breast away you are going to be in trouble cause can't you tell I'm feeding here?

When you are focused you often reach your hand up to explore the curves of my face, squeezing my nose and stroking my cheek. Stroking your hand across my chest feeling the change as the skin softens once the milk is almost gone. You seem so content.

I love these lessons you have taught me, even the painful ones like ensuring your nails are always trimmed or you will use them as a weapon. But we are still so early in our journey at only seven months, I know there are many more things I am yet to learn. 

I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you and I will cherish these moments long after the last drop of milk has dried up. 

Time warp

Time is such a strange thing, it can feel fast or slow, but it never really changes speed.

I feel as though since you were born time has sped up and you are leaping from one month to the next, if I blink I might miss it. 

Yet at the same time you are teaching me the art of slowing down and enjoying each moment. You teach me patience as I stop to let you cuddle and feed when we get to the shops to help settle and soothe you after an upsetting car ride. 

I let you walk holding my hands and watch your eyes light up as you slowly take each step, knowing the shops are closing soon and I am unlikely to get all my errands done. 

We take the time to sit with you on the lawn so you can feel the blades of grass between your fingers as your not yet ready to get back in the car. Even though we really must get home so daddy can sleep before night duty. 

Though whilst your Daddy and I are happy to give you this time, I can already feel the expectations of the world we live in creeping in. With comments like "what else are you doing besides being a mum?" "why does it take you so long to do everything?" "why are you always late?".

For me nothing is more important than giving you time because in a moment it's about to speed up and it will be gone. 

The funny things you do

I remember when you were first born and a friend came to visit with her baby boy who was about seven months old. I told her I was so sad as I wanted you to stay a tiny newborn forever because I loved it so much. She told me that she thought that too, but it just keeps getting better and better, and she was so right!

Your personality is so lovable, you know how to charm anyone with your cheeky grins. From the moment you wake up you are full of beans ready to explore. 

Blowing raspberries and spit bubbles is your new favourite thing to do, you love when people copy you. Experimenting with your voice is also fun, hearing the different sounds you can make. 

We love watching you do your "happy hands" as we call them. Where you grasp your hands together and rock them from side to side. 

And your new crowd pleasing trick is waving. Which came about after a curious situation. One night you did not want to go to sleep as you were very unsettled with teething pain. I was talking to you about Grandma who has passed. You were sitting up on my lap facing the chair which was Grandma's. 

Suddenly you stopped fussing and started smiling, then waving at the chair. You would look back to me and smile, then look back to the chair and wave. I have no explanation for this except to think that Grandma has taught you to wave! 

Oh yes and we are now up to three teeth all up the top! 

First family holiday- beach day!

M On the second day it was finally time to show you the beach. So after breakfast overlooking the water, we grabbed our gear and set off for a new adventure.

You loved walking along the sand and watching as the water splashed your legs. But it wasn't long until you felt abit overwhelmed so it was back to the shelter for some mama milk. 

While you fed daddy built you a sandcastle city. Then helped you stomp the sandcastles, jumping on them before plonking you down in the middle. I'm not sure if you or daddy enjoyed the sandcastles more.

Then we sat and watched as you explored the feeling of sand as it fell through your fingers and squished between your toes. Try as you might Daddy was not going to let you put a fist full of sand in your mouth.

Soon enough our tummies rumbled again and we set off for lunch and a nap. You slept so deeply and so long, it made me wonder if I should take you to the beach everyday.

In the afternoon we headed back to the beach, this time to catch a glimpse of the solar eclipse. We didn't see that but we did have lots of fun playing together and taking photos the cherish. Daddy later told me this was his favourite part of our holiday.