Exploding with love

Sometimes when I look at you I feel like my heart is going to explode. It's strange that falling in love hurts.

 I wish I could control time so I could freeze it to keep you just as you are, but sometimes be able to rewind to when you were very little and fast forward to what you will be like when you are older. 

But I can't control time so all I can do is enjoy every single moment with you. 

Reaching milestones

I haven't had time to write down my memories of you lately as I am so busy enjoying you and then exhausted by the time you are asleep. But many wonderful things have happened that I do wish to remember.

You took your first steps on the 5th November in Byron Bay in front of your Daddy and I as well as your midwife Deb and my good friend Alison. It was a wonderful moment and you were so pleased with yourself as you took those first steps from Daddy's arms towards me at your own pace.

Though your Poppy was a bit disapointed he missed your first steps, you have made up for it by running into his arms at every opportunity. The sound you make when we pull up to Poppy's house or when he arrives at our house is so precious. A high pitched "ohh Poppy here" all rolled into one word. And when he leaves you get very upset each time. 

You are very affectionate now and love giving hugs and kisses. You even hug and kiss my old dolls which are now yours. And you love hugging the puppies though the feeling isn't mutual. 

Daddy has given you his train set to play with and you are loving running all over the house playing with the trains. You especially enjoy pushing them through any make shift tunnel. 

Your vocabulary is exploding and at thirteen months your word list includes: yes, no, mulk (milk), more, dog, duck, acee (gracie), aylee(Bailey), ball, boat, nana(banana), star, hantaa (santa), ho ho Ho, tractor, moon, daddy, mama, poppy, car, broom broom, uh oh, mango, birdie, buck buck buck (chicken). 

You are getting very good at signing and can now sign, milk, more, eat, bird, sleep. 

Everyday you amaze me and remind me how blessed I am to have you. 

First birthday

I can't believe you have been here for a year already. You have changed my life in ways I never expected when having a baby and I am so grateful to you for that.

We spent your birthday together as a family doing things that you love to do. It felt like Christmas Eve before your birthday and I struggled to fall asleep as I was so excited to see your face when you woke up. I woke at 5am with you snuggled in my arms, resting peacefully. 

I was able to use this time to reflect on your birth and how amazing and empowering it was for me as a woman and a mother. Having a homebirth was the greatest thing I could have done for you and I. 

When you finally began to stir only a few mins before your time of birth, I quickly woke your Daddy so he could watch your reaction as you woke up to see the room filled with balloons. 

Your eyes lit up with such surprise and amazement. And you instantly wanted to play. But this was only the beginning as we came downstairs to find balloons all over the house and streamers lining the hallway. And of course a big red bow around the hand basin in the bathroom where you were born. 

You weren't too fussed about opening your presents but once they were open you loved playing with your new motorbike and musical activity centre that was lovingly sent by Mama's friend Ebony.

After some playtime we set off to have a special birthday breakfast and then it was on to the airport so we could spot some planes. You love watching the planes fly through the air and even in the house you will hear them and point to the sky. So to see them so close was very exciting for you.

We then took you out for a special birthday lunch where you had birthday wishes written in sauce by the chef. 

By this stage you were very tired so we came home so that you could rest and Mama could finish making your cake (the 4th one as the first three each had their own disaster). 

But you were far too excited to sleep until very late in the afternoon when you crashed. Of course this was a mere half an hour before your Poppy arrived with a very special birthday present we had all worked hard to put together over the past few weeks. 

You unwillingly woke up and felt very cranky as you were so tired, but when you opened the gift and realised it was a swing you were happy to play again. That cheeky grin once again lighting up your face. 

It warmed my heart to see how much your Poppy loved pushing you on the swing and seeing how happy it made you. The two of you have a very special connection, he seems to have limitless patience for you but no one else gets this privilege.

Finally we had a lovely roast dinner (your favourite). Then of course finished the day with a big piece of cake. You had a wonderful day and so did I. 

Little words

Your very first word you said quite awhile ago, I think you were about four to five months when you cried out in your sleep with a very clear "Mama". Both your Daddy and I were so surprised it was the sweetest sound. By ten months you had seven words. "Mama" "Dada" "yeh" "no" "moh" (more) "malk" (milk) "dog". 

It's wonderful to watch you as you listen carefully to words and try to say them yourself. Now at eleven months you can communicate very well with Mama and Daddy using a mix of words and sign language. 

Baababaa means breakfast or food as you say it whenever you are hungry. You try to say cat but can't quite get the "c" sound. 

But what is most fascinating is not how much you can say but how much you understand. If we ask you "where are the balloons?" You point to the mobile hanging over the window. 

If we ask you if you would like to go to the shower you will say yes or no. On Fridays even if you are asleep and hear the rubbish truck go past you instantly wake and point to the window to go see.

When we ask if you want to visit Poppy or your friend Melody your eyes light up and you often jump up and down with excitement. 

But perhaps the one I'm most proud of is when you tell me you need to use the potty by making a "ssss" sound or taping on the potty. I'm so glad we have done elimination communication with you, as I feel it has allowed us to have a stronger bond and you are so much more interested in communicating with us as you know we are listening and paying attention. 

You amaze us everyday my little one.

Saying "I love you" without words

There are some things that I am better at than your Daddy, but one of those things is not transferring you sleeping into the car. That crown is for who I lovingly call "The Transfer King".

However you were asleep in my arms, so I decided to give it a shot. But of course you woke up, and you had only now slept for a few minutes so I was sure you would become very upset in the car.

Although you were clearly very tired, you didn't cry. Instead you held your hand out to me, and I reached out expecting you to playfully tap my hand or pull away.

Yet, again you surprised me by holding on tightly to my hand for the entire car ride. The warmth of your soft little hand holding on to mine made my heart melt. A moment in time I never wish to forget. 

The time I unsuccessfully transferred you, but you showed me you loved me despite my failings. 

Blossoming friendship

Over the past few months you have been developing a lovely friendship with a little girl named Melody. In a world where everyone makes very different parenting choices it is amazing to find other families that make all the same choices as you. Yet you and Melody have many things in common thanks to your parents.

This means you both have similar favourites when it comes to food, you both use the potty and often sit together on the potty which is very sweet. You both enjoy playing with "non toys" and being outside getting grubby in nature.

Melody gets very excited when her parents tell her you are coming to visit, and you get very excited and will happily get dressed or go in your car seat if you know we are going to see Melly. 

So it's unsurprising that the other night when we were babysitting Melly you were very excited. Sharing bath time together, splashing each other and swapping ducks and blocks. Melody even helped wash you.

Once we got into bed together, you on one side of me feeding, Melody on the other side snuggling her "wawa's" (koala bears). For a moment I dared to think how easy this was to put you both to sleep....until you sat up and started chatting away hilariously to Melly. It was then I realized that even if you are only ten months old, it is still super exciting to have a friend sleep over and you will want to chat and play well into the night.

Eventually you both did get to sleep. I hope that your friendship with Melly continues to blossom. But she will always be your first true friend. 

Daily rhythms

It's here! Spring has sprung. Though we still wake to chilly mornings, by mid morning we are stripping off jumpers and socks as the sun has taken the chill off the earth. 

Our days have a rhythm to them now. We wake to the sound of birds singing and after some milk and playtime on the bed our rumbling tummies insist we leave our comfy haven.

Before breakfast we visit the chickens to say good morning and have a quick look at the garden, the grass still wet with dew so Mama won't let you down to roam just yet. The fairy wrens that have taken up residence in our garden sing and play, flying across the adjoining backyards. 

Then, we enjoy breakfast most days on the patio so that we can feel the warmth of the sun and you love watching the birds flying above and trying to spot planes.

From there our days are mostly spent in the garden playing. Throwing toys for the puppies to chase. Finding a patch of dirt to sift between your fingers and taste. Pulling the leaves off the snow peas and carrots, or anything you can reach. 

Eventually you tire and Mama will feed you to sleep, still sitting outside as you snuggle on my lap. I love these special days, and the promise of many more beautiful days like this one fill my heart with excitement and hope.