A fresh start

Today Daddy came home to tell us he lost his job, after a week of stress and worry that this may happen it was actually a relief to hear this news. It wasn't a job he loved, or a career he chose for himself, it was simply a job with a great wage that has allowed me to be a full time mother to you. 

You are 18months old today, a precious and delightful age. I am so blessed to have had so much time to spend adoring you, watching you grow from a tiny newborn into a busy and inquisitive toddler. 

Our plan was that I would go back to work in September, by this point you would be 23months old, and I would only go back part time as being with you is more important to me than money. But now our plans must change, and I may have to start work in the next few weeks, and likely I will need to work full time to help us pay the mortgage. 

I can't help but feel sad that I won't be with you every minute of every day. There is no where I would rather be than with you. It is clear that you are picking up on the stress in our home right now. You are very unsettled and become very upset if Daddy or I leave the room. 

This is a chance for our family to have a new beginning. Yes our plans will change, but now Daddy has the opportunity to pick a career that he would actually like to do instead of something he feels he has to do. It is time for me to support him the way he did for me when I wanted to become a midwife. 

Now every moment with you will be even more precious. We will survive this storm. Even if we lose everything we own, as long as we have each other we will be rich. 

Music maestro

"More" a word I hear you say several times a day. But not all your "more's" are the same. There's "mm..more" which is food, "more" playing, and your favourite "MORE" meaning please put on some music or turn it up.

It's funny that your daddy and I are able to decipher which meaning of more your using by the way you say it. 

You are such a lover of music, especially music with lots of bass. Your favourite songs have included "I'm so fancy" "uptown funk" and "albatross". 

You love to dance, your moves range from head banging with big wide eyes and a serious expression, a push up move with head shaking, and hip thrusting especially in the car where your movements are limited.

But you don't love all music, you are quick to say if you don't want a certain song and insist we change it until we find one you like. 

I hope you always have such passion for music as it makes you so happy. Yes we have stopped meltdowns simply by putting on one of your favourite songs. 

I wonder if it will always sooth you so easily.

Trains, planes and automobiles

How can I condense all my memories of you into a few posts, it seems impossible to keep up. Everyday you do something that I wish to remember but I have no time to sit and write it down and once you are asleep I'm not far behind.

You are changing so fast, learning new things every day. Your new favourite thing is to wave at everyone you see, everywhere we go. You do almost anything to get people's attention to wave at them. If they ignore you it's obvious by your expression that you can't understand why they wouldn't wave back, and I can't help but agree with you. 

You also have started gesturing for me to come with you, follow you so you can show me things or simply so I will chase you. I love seeing what you want to show me.

Even though I have tried to keep all your toys very gender neutral you are naturally drawn to trucks, cars, trains and tractors. You greatly show how impressed you are by things by yelling "wow wow wow!!". 

Although it seems easier to play with your toys on the ground, often you ask to be helped up onto the chair so that you can sit and play with them on the big table. 

Your vocabulary has again exploded including new words such as "tractor, bike, book, sleep, door, star, moon, digger, dump truck, bus, baby, cat, mouse". The list goes on and on. 

Amazingly this year seems to be passing even faster than your first, perhaps because you are now almost always on the go. Exploring new things, reading books over and over again, talking about everything you see. 

The moments you are still I cherish as I feel like it's the only time I can really soak you in. Memorizing your little baby face that is gradually becoming more and more like a little boy. 

Exploding with love

Sometimes when I look at you I feel like my heart is going to explode. It's strange that falling in love hurts.

 I wish I could control time so I could freeze it to keep you just as you are, but sometimes be able to rewind to when you were very little and fast forward to what you will be like when you are older. 

But I can't control time so all I can do is enjoy every single moment with you. 

Reaching milestones

I haven't had time to write down my memories of you lately as I am so busy enjoying you and then exhausted by the time you are asleep. But many wonderful things have happened that I do wish to remember.

You took your first steps on the 5th November in Byron Bay in front of your Daddy and I as well as your midwife Deb and my good friend Alison. It was a wonderful moment and you were so pleased with yourself as you took those first steps from Daddy's arms towards me at your own pace.

Though your Poppy was a bit disapointed he missed your first steps, you have made up for it by running into his arms at every opportunity. The sound you make when we pull up to Poppy's house or when he arrives at our house is so precious. A high pitched "ohh Poppy here" all rolled into one word. And when he leaves you get very upset each time. 

You are very affectionate now and love giving hugs and kisses. You even hug and kiss my old dolls which are now yours. And you love hugging the puppies though the feeling isn't mutual. 

Daddy has given you his train set to play with and you are loving running all over the house playing with the trains. You especially enjoy pushing them through any make shift tunnel. 

Your vocabulary is exploding and at thirteen months your word list includes: yes, no, mulk (milk), more, dog, duck, acee (gracie), aylee(Bailey), ball, boat, nana(banana), star, hantaa (santa), ho ho Ho, tractor, moon, daddy, mama, poppy, car, broom broom, uh oh, mango, birdie, buck buck buck (chicken). 

You are getting very good at signing and can now sign, milk, more, eat, bird, sleep. 

Everyday you amaze me and remind me how blessed I am to have you. 

First birthday

I can't believe you have been here for a year already. You have changed my life in ways I never expected when having a baby and I am so grateful to you for that.

We spent your birthday together as a family doing things that you love to do. It felt like Christmas Eve before your birthday and I struggled to fall asleep as I was so excited to see your face when you woke up. I woke at 5am with you snuggled in my arms, resting peacefully. 

I was able to use this time to reflect on your birth and how amazing and empowering it was for me as a woman and a mother. Having a homebirth was the greatest thing I could have done for you and I. 

When you finally began to stir only a few mins before your time of birth, I quickly woke your Daddy so he could watch your reaction as you woke up to see the room filled with balloons. 

Your eyes lit up with such surprise and amazement. And you instantly wanted to play. But this was only the beginning as we came downstairs to find balloons all over the house and streamers lining the hallway. And of course a big red bow around the hand basin in the bathroom where you were born. 

You weren't too fussed about opening your presents but once they were open you loved playing with your new motorbike and musical activity centre that was lovingly sent by Mama's friend Ebony.

After some playtime we set off to have a special birthday breakfast and then it was on to the airport so we could spot some planes. You love watching the planes fly through the air and even in the house you will hear them and point to the sky. So to see them so close was very exciting for you.

We then took you out for a special birthday lunch where you had birthday wishes written in sauce by the chef. 

By this stage you were very tired so we came home so that you could rest and Mama could finish making your cake (the 4th one as the first three each had their own disaster). 

But you were far too excited to sleep until very late in the afternoon when you crashed. Of course this was a mere half an hour before your Poppy arrived with a very special birthday present we had all worked hard to put together over the past few weeks. 

You unwillingly woke up and felt very cranky as you were so tired, but when you opened the gift and realised it was a swing you were happy to play again. That cheeky grin once again lighting up your face. 

It warmed my heart to see how much your Poppy loved pushing you on the swing and seeing how happy it made you. The two of you have a very special connection, he seems to have limitless patience for you but no one else gets this privilege.

Finally we had a lovely roast dinner (your favourite). Then of course finished the day with a big piece of cake. You had a wonderful day and so did I. 

Little words

Your very first word you said quite awhile ago, I think you were about four to five months when you cried out in your sleep with a very clear "Mama". Both your Daddy and I were so surprised it was the sweetest sound. By ten months you had seven words. "Mama" "Dada" "yeh" "no" "moh" (more) "malk" (milk) "dog". 

It's wonderful to watch you as you listen carefully to words and try to say them yourself. Now at eleven months you can communicate very well with Mama and Daddy using a mix of words and sign language. 

Baababaa means breakfast or food as you say it whenever you are hungry. You try to say cat but can't quite get the "c" sound. 

But what is most fascinating is not how much you can say but how much you understand. If we ask you "where are the balloons?" You point to the mobile hanging over the window. 

If we ask you if you would like to go to the shower you will say yes or no. On Fridays even if you are asleep and hear the rubbish truck go past you instantly wake and point to the window to go see.

When we ask if you want to visit Poppy or your friend Melody your eyes light up and you often jump up and down with excitement. 

But perhaps the one I'm most proud of is when you tell me you need to use the potty by making a "ssss" sound or taping on the potty. I'm so glad we have done elimination communication with you, as I feel it has allowed us to have a stronger bond and you are so much more interested in communicating with us as you know we are listening and paying attention. 

You amaze us everyday my little one.